Is your Cougar network empty? How to write a winning online profile
One of the problems with trying to connect with people online is getting their attention. There is a lot of competition and the Cougars are selective. They know what they want, which also means they know what they don’t want. If older men are no longer inspiring, then don’t follow in their footsteps. Cougars are looking for fun, excitement, and someone who reflects that on their profile will get answers.
When I read the profiles here and on other dating sites, I start to feel like I’m watching repetitive scenes from the movie Ground Hog Day; you know… the Bill Murray one where every morning when he wakes up the day is exactly like the day before.
Each profile starts to look and sound the same. They all confuse each other. I read. I click next. I read. I click next. If there’s nothing on the first line that catches my eye, I click DELETE and move on to the next.
Did you read what I just said? IF THERE IS NOTHING ON THE FIRST LINE THAT CATCHES A WOMAN’S ATTENTION, SHE WILL CLICK DELETE.
People are busy. We only have so much time to do so many things on any given day. If you’re having no luck getting responses from your online profile, grab some helpful tips and give yourself a profile picture makeover. What can you lose? Oh yeah… another lonely Saturday night…
Here we go:
1) Read a ton of profiles for both men and women.
Notice which ones catch your eye and why. Make some notes. Take a close look at the first line. That’s your “signature” line that tells people why they should bother reading the rest of your profile. When you read the profiles of women, you begin to understand what they are looking for and what kind of language they speak.
2) Don’t put yourself down.
Don’t say, “Well, it’s just me” or “Wow. I never know what to write about this stuff” or “Ask me if you want to know more.” It makes you look scruffy, pathetic, and like you have a lot of insecurity issues. It also makes you look like you don’t know who you are. If you don’t know who you are, why should anyone be interested? If you are online, you are already in a public place. So don’t hide who you are and then hope that someone will “recognize” how special you are through magical telepathy and contact you to find out more.
Instead, write something that plays to a personal strength you have. “A handsome young guy with a penchant for blowing your mind and taking it to the dance floor seeks a fun-loving leading lady to star in a lifelong relationship.”
Do you understand my drift? Shine! Shine! Excite us! Give us the ‘wow’ factor!
3) Don’t make cliche statements.
Don’t start your profile with “I am…” statements. “I’m beautiful, sexy, compassionate, honest, smart…” yeah, yeah…everyone says that. Did you ever read a profile that said, “I’m a loser, drug addict, unemployed bum sleeping on my mom’s couch?”
Tell us something about yourself that sets you apart from others. “One of my passions is animal rescue and this summer our group will be hosting the Basset Hound Olympics to raise money for their veterinary care.” Wow, doesn’t that tell someone how compassionate you are and how much you love doing charity work? Be specific. Actions speak louder than words.
Avoid saying “I like to work hard and have a lot of fun” or “I’m just as comfortable in a dress as I am in jeans and a T-shirt.” How many times do you see those statements? “I enjoy good food.” (Who isn’t?) “I’m independent.” (And does that mean…?) And for God’s sake, aren’t we all sick of “I like to take long walks on the beach” and that nauseous term, “with that special someone.” (Excuse me while I skeeve.)
4) Be convincing
Take a stand. Express an opinion. In this way you will be defined as a person for someone and you will attract people who share your same points of view and interests. “My idea of a great first date is to microwave crayons in the shapes of famous historical figures and then talk about socialism over a glass of port” is more definitive than “I like to goof around and talk about the events of the day.”
People like to meet people who know who they are. It shows that you have something to contribute and that you can delay the end of the date or the relationship.
5) Post a good, clear picture of yourself.
Smile. Don’t post a serious photo because you think it makes you look cool. It makes us wonder if you just got out of jail. Don’t wear sunglasses. Don’t try to look or act cool. Look friendly, happy, approachable and fun! Do not display gang signs or peace signs or goof around. Leave your penis in your pants. We’ve seen them before and they’re not all that and a bag of chips.
Put up several photos, especially of you doing fun things that we might enjoy doing with you. Do not put a picture with you and your ex. Don’t put a photo of you and half of your ex cut out of the photo. Ladies, believe it or not, not all men like to see us with our dogs. *sigh* So include a photo of you and Bonster, but also include other photos. If a man doesn’t own a pet or love his 23 cats, he’ll probably abandon you and fido.
6) Your screen name says a lot about who you are and what you’re looking for.
If your screen name is “Young and Hung” or “Licking My Eyebrows” we know you’re looking for booty calls and you’re not a serious competitor for anything beyond a one night stand and you probably expect us to take you and pick up a pizza. along the way. We also know that you probably have a different girl every night, some illnesses brewing, and an ax in the hall closet. REMOVE.
7) Be upfront and honest about who you are and what you’re looking for.
Be honest about your age, weight, height. Do not post photos older than a year or with brown hair if you just dyed it tomato red. When people see your photo and arrange to meet you, they expect to meet who they see in the photo. Anything else is misleading and disappointing. Don’t post a group photo. We can’t tell who you are and we’re not interested in meeting the group. We are interested in meeting you.
Don’t say you’re looking for a long-term relationship if you’re really looking for friends with benefits. One of the reasons I have so many options to choose from on profiles is that people can really connect with people who are looking for the same things. If you’re married, separated, divorced and a little fragile and just want to test the waters, say so. “I just got out of a long-term situation and I just want to meet new people to have fun and chat and see how it goes for a while before I start thinking about anything serious again.” Valuation and transparency of the honesty of people. It shows that you respect them and it also shows that you have a level of integrity about yourself.
8) Tell us who you are.
If you want to catch someone’s attention, you have to put something on the hook before you cast the line. No fish on earth will bite a clean hook. Few people will respond to a profile that has nothing or very little. Why should they when the next thing they click on has a lot of information they can read and connect to?
Talk about your hobbies and interests and convey your enthusiasm: “I like skydiving” is informative, but “There’s nothing like skydiving naked to really get the adrenaline flowing. There’s something so exciting about plummeting to the ground at 100 miles.” an hour while grandma follows me with her spiritually transcending telescope,” really gives us a clear picture of your passion about it.
9) Tell us what you do professionally.
Why is this important? Because it helps us visualize you at work doing what you do during the day and helps us connect with that image and with you. It further defines who you are and helps us determine if we want to connect with you. If you’re a butcher and the woman reading your profile is a PETA member and a staunch vegetarian, why waste time emailing, chatting, and then meeting up if she knows in her heart that this will never work?
You can say, “I’m a student,” or you can say, “I’m in my third year of college studying marine biology. You haven’t seen anything in your life until you see two starfish mate. It’s the most life-affirming thing.” on earth. When I finish school, my goal is to have a catfish farm in a small town in the southern Delta and export catfish to Dubai.”
wow. I’m so there…
10) Be open. Be nice. Be accessible. Be funny.
Be someone someone else would like to get to know better. And express who you are through writing. Profiles are written. Not everyone is a good writer, but this is the medium you are selling yourself in. It is a visual medium. If you don’t write well but can express yourself by speaking, upload a 60-second video of yourself telling everyone who you are and what you’re looking for. Keep the video short. Famed award-winning Canadian film director Mack Sennett said that you should never have a gag longer than 90 seconds. The public loses interest.
Be respectful. Think about what you write before you write it. “I like women with big asses” is in no way flattering to any woman, even if she has a big butt. Don’t be crude. Raw is disgusting. Raw skeeves women.
A well thought out and prepared profile with good photos will get you noticed. If it’s obvious you haven’t spent time on your profile, anyone viewing it will assume you’re just a gamer and not seriously looking to meet anyone and will be logged out. If you don’t take the time to fill out your profile, why should anyone take the time to respond? No one wants to respond to a void or to a profile that says: “I’ll tell you later”. That’s like saying, “I have a secret and if I think you’re worthy enough, I’ll share it with you.” (Skeeving again.) NEXT.
Write complete sentences. If his language skills aren’t that great, ask someone to help him express himself in writing. If you can’t communicate who you are and what you’re looking for, then no one will be interested in you.
You must remember that there are millions of profiles on many dating sites. You are in competition with all other online profiles. You have to see yourself as a product and do an advertising campaign to get results. If you had to do a commercial for yourself and you had to produce a 60-second spot, what would you say? What would be your main line? You need an attention-grabbing beginning, a well-thought-out, informative, and exciting midpoint, and a “closing” for the ending.
The goal is to get answers. When you receive responses, you can decide who you want to continue communicating with.
The bottom line is: if you are NOT getting responses online, it’s because your profile sucks. Even a profile without a picture will get a response if it’s well written and compels someone to want to know more. Your profile is your business card. It’s your ad. It is your presentation of yourself to the online community. If you say nothing, offer nothing, then you will get nothing. And nothing is exactly what you can expect.