Healthy relationship between children and parents
It is important for us to establish ourselves before the children. What do I mean by what you ask? I mean you need to have a purpose before parenting or parenting. You need to know that you are someone other than a parent.
When you have children, you enjoy them. You don’t think of them as aging naturally. Enjoy raising your child or children. Sometimes this totally consumes our lives (raising our children). You go through the baby stage where they are totally dependent on you, then you have two-year-olds when they start to walk and a few words are being said. At three years of age they are already talking, walking, hopefully they are already trained to go to the bathroom and without a bottle. Not only do they talk, but sometimes they get smart with you. Now, I have met some parents who get nervous at this point. Because your child is becoming independent. I have heard many people say that I want another baby because he or she no longer needs me. And they get pregnant. When the child turns five and goes to school. Okay, crazy weather, my baby has grown up with me. I’ve seen people take a week off work. They say it is for the child because he may be scared, yet the child is excited and cannot wait to go to school. But parents, on the other hand, don’t want to let it go. They are the ones who are afraid. The question for some people when your child shows independence and agrees to quit, what are you going to do with your time?
Fast forward, your kids are older now, over 21 years old. Many people I know do not have a life. What do i mean? I mean that her whole life is surrounded by her older children. Do you want to know where they are going? What are they doing? What are your grandchildren doing? How I can help? Can you come to dinner? Can I go clean your house? Can I help you build something? Can we go somewhere together? Can we go out to eat, shop, or even vacation together? Now this may come as a surprise to you, but your adult children may not want to be around you all the time. Or around you. You get offended or angry when they tell you mom or dad (no).
On the other hand, you have older children looking for you to take care of them, clean up after they prepare dinner. Or come to his house and make dinner. This is a dependent child (congratulations, this is what you created) one who does not want to do it himself. And unless you find a wife or husband who will do everything for them like you have been doing. You may always have them in your home. (Hey, this could be what you wanted.) We all need guidance and we have setbacks. However, if you discover that you (an adult) are in the same situation and five years later. There is something wrong with this image. Everyone should have life goals at all times in their lives.
I couldn’t wait to grow up myself and move out of my parents’ house. It wasn’t because they treated me badly. In fact, I was the youngest of six and everyone else had already moved in. I just thought this was what I had to do, and it was. It was a great feeling, I had a housemate at first, it didn’t work out so well. But it was all a learning experience. I still never had the desire to go home. I loved everything about being alone. I didn’t want to give up my freedom! For some strange reason we allow today’s children to think that it is okay to live at home until they are ready to go and only if they want to go. I still don’t understand why they don’t want to, other than they probably couldn’t afford a really nice car and cell phone and rent too. So they just get a nice car and cell phone and live at home forever.
My point is that one of my goals in life is to help my parents financially as much as I can. Don’t ask them for help continually. The sooner the better. If I can do this and show it to my kids, then they can understand it. That parents are here to help, but that help should eventually change.
I also have a lot of things that I enjoy doing and they don’t include my children’s lives. We include my husband and me. Sometimes I take care of the grown-ups, but it’s definitely not all the time. Please don’t feel old and bitter, because the kids don’t want to come visit you because you’re on your business all the time. Don’t feel alone, because you never had anything to do before having children. Get a hobby, enjoy people your age, don’t be afraid to go on new adventures. This is 2008, you are never too old for nothing!