Managing personality differences at work

Many conflicts in the workplace are the result of personality style clashes rather than substantive disagreements. Perhaps you are the type of person who likes to cut to the chase and gets annoyed when people give step-by-step accounts with an excess of superfluous detail. Or maybe you want to build a stable relationship based on trust and feel uncomfortable with people who are more focused on getting things done quickly.

When dealing with these confrontations, you have two options: you can change your behavior or change your way of thinking.

There are numerous personality profiles that group people into categories. Typically, four quadrants are drawn based on two dimensions. One dimension is based on the strength of the personality, for example, assertiveness. The second dimension is based on sensitivity and can be denoted as an indication of people’s orientation or emotional responsiveness.

The four categories can be summarized like this:

Analysts (low assertiveness, low people orientation) are detailed, methodical problem solvers. They tend to be risk averse, emotionally cautious, and choose their words carefully. Example: Warren Buffet.

Dominant (high assertiveness, low people orientation) are decisive, stubborn, tenacious, and competitive. They are results oriented and can be insensitive towards others. Example: Donald Trump.

Expressives (high assertiveness, high people orientation) are energetic, enthusiastic, communicative, lively, and friendly. They can also be short-tempered, stubborn, and lack follow-through as they move on to the next thing to capture your interest. Example: Richard Branson.

Kind (not very assertive, highly people-oriented) are friendly, supportive, diplomatic, consensus-driven team players. However, they are often too eager to please and undecided. Example: Barack Obama.

Dividing people into one of the four social styles is surprisingly helpful. Most people can differentiate the four types quite easily and, with practice, can adapt their own behavior to enjoy a more fluid interaction with a particular individual. This is very handy, because you can’t ask a business contact to do a personality assessment before starting a discussion!

Once you’ve identified the type of person, modify your behavior accordingly.

For example, if your dominant boss likes clear options, present two or three options. Be prepared to give your reasons yew he asks. Do not launch into a systematic analysis from the beginning.

When writing a report for multiple readers, include something for everyone. Prepare a good executive summary for dominants, include detailed appendices for analytics, use personal language for nice ones, and so on. Use a similar approach when giving a presentation to a group.

However, this approach is not a panacea. Some of the people who are hard to get along with have characteristics that span all four categories. In such cases, it might be better to change your thinking. Here are some examples:

Negative people – they complain, they complain and they look for reasons why things don’t work out. They drain your energy and depress you. Change your way of thinking:

• Ask yourself if there is any truth to what they are saying.
• Express things in a positive way. For example:
• “Assuming we can do it, how can we make this work?”
• When a Negative makes broad generalizations, poke holes in his argument with counterexamples:

“It always spoils everything.”

“Not always. Do you remember the Kingsley project? It has its moments.”

Smarty – have strong personalities and stronger opinions. It’s hard to prove them wrong and they won’t admit it, so don’t try. Instead of:

• Give them the respect they crave.
• Find common ground.
• Let her think it was her idea and give her the credit.

When you show that you are a strong player and support her, she may accept you and your comments more easily.

Apple polishers – these jerks do their best to score points with the boss and look cool. They want approval.

• Give them approval, as long as it is justified. They may one day return the favor.
• Don’t trust them. They will put themselves first and can discourage you from doing so.

You probably have your own list of pesky guys. In the end, you won’t change them. You can only change the way you think and feel about them. Don’t let them put you off. For example:

“Sure there are some characters in this office, but at least I have a good job.”

“He’s a jerk. The poor man must be insecure; if that’s what he needs to feel good about himself, more power to him.”

Pay more attention to the traits that make working with certain people challenging. Decide when to adapt your behavior and when to change your way of thinking.