My spouse thinks I’ve changed, and not for the better

There is no doubt that many of us are not the same person we were when we first met and later married our spouse. This can be particularly true if he has been married for quite some time. And this is because most of us mature and experience things that shape our personalities to take on a slightly different appearance. There is nothing wrong with this maturity because it usually means that we have grown and evolved. Unfortunately, it can become a problem if our spouse feels the changes mean we’ve moved on from them or are no longer compatible with them.

To demonstrate what I mean, you might hear a comment like, “When I met my husband, I was a naive young girl who rarely spoke to anyone unless they spoke to me first. I was terribly shy, so I was natural to me.” let my husband take care of most things. My husband was very comfortable with this because he was much more assertive than I was. So for a while this worked really well for us. But when we first got married, I took a job that allowed me to stay in the shadows. It was a good option for me then. However, I have grown with the company over time. And now, I am in a managerial position with many responsibilities. I have to take a lot more direct role. And at first I wasn’t completely comfortable being so assertive, but after a while, my personality evolved and now I am. As a result, I can handle almost everything on my own. My husband no longer needs to do nearly as much for me. And he obviously resents this because the other day, he came home and started ga There are phone numbers to call people to get quotes to update our house. I told him that he already took care of that. In truth, my assistant took care of most of it, but I didn’t see the need to tell him this. My husband got mad that I handled him. He told me that I am no longer the person that he used to be. He said that now I am pushy and too assertive and aggressive. He says that he doesn’t like this new personality of mine. And then, as if insulting me wasn’t enough, he said that he’s not sure he wants to be with someone who has such a Type A personality. He said that if I was like this when he met me, he wouldn’t have dated me. He loves the shy, soft-spoken girl he first met. He doesn’t care much for the confident woman I’ve become. I don’t want to lose my marriage. But I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’m not.” I’ll try to offer some thoughts on this in the next article.

It may not be that he doesn’t like the new you. You may not like how the new you makes you feel: Honestly, this is a very common problem for couples who have been married for a while. People are rarely the same person you married. Some people will feel cheated by this. But if they were totally honest, they’d have to admit that they’ve changed a bit, too. No one is the same person they were several years ago. And this is not necessarily a bad thing.

What makes people more uncomfortable with this situation is the fact that personality changes sometimes cause a change in their marital roles as well. Usually, the way you relate to your spouse can define one of the ways you think about yourself. For example, the husband in this scenario had probably always felt that he was the protector and provider of his wife. This made him feel good about himself and secure in the role of his husband. He felt as if she needed him. This is often important for men. When he perceives that this role is taken away from him, he may feel less of a man.

See if there is a way to compromise so you can be yourself and he can see flashes of his old self.: Try your best not to take this personally. Because I doubt it’s true that he doesn’t like your personality anymore. It’s that the new independent self makes you feel like you don’t need it anymore. This makes him feel insecure about his marriage. So, he tries to use reverse psychology on you and tells you that he isn’t sure he wants the marriage anymore. However, what he really means is that he is concerned that you no longer want or need the marriage.

So how can this be fixed? You have to really figure out what is most important to him regarding his role in your marriage. If he absolutely needs to feel like he’s lightening the load from him doing most of the work and negotiating when it comes to your home and his safety, then it wouldn’t hurt to let you handle those things, even if you’re fully capable. to handle them yourself. And it doesn’t hurt to put this into words.

You could try something like, “Honey, I’m so sorry. I had a spare moment and thought my handling of this would save you the extra work. I didn’t mean to take control of your work. From now on, I’ll leave things related to the house in your hands. I appreciate you taking care of these things. And it won’t happen again. Could we put this behind us, please?

Know that it may take a little time to cool down. But when he sees that you’re really making an effort, he’s likely to back off a bit. I know it can be tempting to point out where you’ve changed. But, I don’t see any reason to make this worse. Common sense tells you that both have likely changed. But this usually won’t be a problem unless it forces one or both of you to reevaluate their roles, which can sometimes make people uncomfortable.