Your teen is curious about sex!

I recently had a conversation with a thirty-eight-year-old mother of two young daughters about how she lost her virginity. She explained to me that, like so many others, she did not receive any guidance from her parents. She just warned her not to have sex. Her sexual education came from her two older brothers when she was six years old. They told her that sex was when a penis entered a vagina and she was horrified. At thirteen, her girlfriend told her how wonderful sex is and that losing your virginity was a wonderful experience, that everyone was doing it. This woman felt peer pressure from her and she decided to lose her virginity at thirteen to a seventeen-year-old boy she barely met, though she still remembers her name to this day. They were outside of her, she hurt and then she felt bad about her experience.

She expressed to me that she wants to be a better mother to her daughters than her parents were to her when it comes to sex education. She also talked about how uncomfortable it is to even think about it, but she would rather deal with the discomfort than have her daughters experience a situation like hers.

In HE’S JUST NOT That INTO YOU, author Greg Behrendt makes the point over and over again that women should NOT view themselves as the exception, but should always view themselves as the rule. Behrendt advises us to FOLLOW. He stops waiting for the guy who never calls to ride his white horse.

I am offering the same advice to parents. Do not consider your children as the exception. Just because they tell you they’re not interested in sex or sexually active doesn’t mean they’re being totally honest with you. It’s just as uncomfortable for them. Think back to when you were thirteen, fourteen, fifteen or older. I bet you were interested in one of your mates and wondered what all the sexual fuss was about. Did you admit this to your parents? Did you admit that you were curious about kissing, getting to first base or further? Did you feel comfortable asking your parents about sex? Especially the feelings associated with it?

Your children are no different. They are curious and have questions, and even though it feels weird to talk about sex with you, they want and need guidance. As parents, you prepare your children for college, driving, SATs, and much more. It is extremely important to prepare them for sex as well. Yet many parents let the media, school, and other children educate their own children about sex. Today with technology, children have access to explicit pornography over the Internet. Kids really think they know everything there is to know about sex. Maybe they understand the mechanics, but how much do they know about the feelings associated with sex, especially at a young age?

First time sex can be very intimidating and scary, especially for women. Whether or not it makes parents uncomfortable is something too often left for the child to figure out for themselves.

Let your kids know it’s okay to ask questions about sex, and try not to judge or set harsh, unrealistic rules about it. They are just young humans who need to be led. Don’t let your child make a foolish decision and end up pregnant, with an STD, or a humiliating first time because you felt too weird to talk about it.