The narcissist: a golden boy without limits
When we struggle with grandiose, ruthless, and self-proclaimed narcissists in our personal and professional lives, we ask ourselves, “How did this person become such a self-absorbed, empathic, and deceptive individual?” The answer is not in the stars or in genetics, as far as we currently know. The narcissist’s personality develops very early in childhood as a result of his interactions with the mother, father, or both parents. In many cases, the narcissistic future is chosen for his special talents, intellectual brilliance, physical attractiveness, athletic prowess, or a combination of gifts to become the family’s favorite child. The budding narcissist is placed in the role of the chosen one who will fulfill the wishes and dreams of the parents. Raising a perfect son or daughter will make up for your feelings of inadequacy. A message that the father communicates to this child is: “You are perfect, you have no limits, you cannot make mistakes.” This child grows up believing that he is superior to others. The father does not teach this child to be sensitive to the feelings of others. All that matters is succeeding, destroying your competitors and reaching the top of the mountain. The narcissistic future develops a great false self. Believing that he is perfect and superior and with more rights, the narcissist leads his life manipulating others, convincing them of his superiority and greatness. Despite his success in the world and the appearance of independence, the narcissist remains psychologically frozen in early childhood. On an unconscious level, he is still attached to the adoration and expectations of the parents.
In normal development, a child is loved and nurtured as a unique individual. At first he is psychologically fused with the mother or primary caregiver. In this union, your physical and emotional needs are met with loving consistency. As the child matures, he begins to differentiate himself from the mother figure and becomes more independent. With parental guidance and love, the child learns that he is appreciated for himself. At the same time, parents teach their child through example and directly that he is not the center of the universe. At a very young age, children learn to empathize with the concerns and feelings of others. The emotionally healthy child is spontaneous and cheerful. Slowly, he separates from his mother and father and becomes an individual capable of both giving and receiving love.
The narcissist uses his grandiose false self to fuel his limitless attitudes and behaviors. All are at your disposal and must submit to your will. He learns very early how to manipulate and exploit others to fulfill his wishes and desires. Narcissists have great visions. Since they do not care about the feelings of others and have very little conscience, they have no restrictions in the pursuit of their goals.
Today’s society rewards narcissists handsomely. If they are high-level narcissists with charm and magnetism, intellect and drive, they often rise into heady circles of power in business, politics, entertainment, medicine, and other professions. Beneath all the success and material trappings, the narcissist harbors feelings of emptiness. You must continually search for narcissistic supplies (flattery, praise, an enchanted circle of admirers) to fill the void. This psychological hole within him cannot be cured (except rarely if he seeks professional help). The narcissist is incapable of empathy or intimacy. Surrounded by fans who adore him, he is always psychologically alone.