Traumatic attachment in adult children of mothers with narcissistic personality disorder

Adult sons and daughters of mothers with narcissistic personality disorder may develop Stockholm Syndrome as a survival technique in the face of abuse. Symptoms can last well into adulthood. Therefore, as recovering adults seeking recovery, it is helpful to understand the causes and symptoms of this phenomenon.

What is Stockholm Syndrome?

On August 23, 1973, Jan-Erik Olsson broke into the Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg in central Stockholm and robbed the bank. The police arrived quickly, but not before Olsson wounded a police office and took four hostages. For the next six days, the hostages were held at gunpoint in the bank vault.

During the course of the ordeal, one of the hostages turned on the police and set out to capture her. The scandalous behavior did not stop when the hostages were released from her.

Olsson threatened, abused, and made the captives fear for their lives, but they stood up for him. A hostage became romantically involved with the thief. Another set up a legal defense fund to help with legal expenses.

Since then, the term Stockholm Syndrome has been used to describe this phenomenon, but psychology recognized the traumatic link many years before the Stockholm bank robbery. Stockholm Syndrome has been found in studies of prisoners, hostages, and abusive relationships, such as:

• child abuse
• incest survivors
• battered Women
• cult members
• prisoners of war
• concentration camp survivors
• Intimidating and controlling relationships.

Elements that cause Stockholm syndrome

Not everyone in these situations develops Stockholm Syndrome, but when it does develop, there are four elements involved:

1. A creditable threat to psychological or physical survival, in the belief that it will be carried out;
2. Small kindnesses that the abuser shows the victim;
3. Isolation from anyone other than the perspective of the abuser; and
4. A perceived inability to escape.

symptoms of stockholm syndrome

• The hostage has positive feelings towards the capture.
• The hostage supports the reasons and behaviors of the capture.
• The hostage has negative feelings toward friends, family, and authorities who are trying to help or rescue him.
• The capture has positive feelings towards the hostage.
• The hostage shows an inability to engage in behaviors that lead to his escape.

Adult sons and daughters of mothers with narcissistic personality disorder

Children of mothers with narcissistic personality disorders often grow up under the constant threat of all kinds of abuse. Then there are the small kindnesses scattered among his memories, creating a necessary element for the development of Stockholm Syndrome.

Children are completely dependent on their parents. So psychologically, growing up in a war zone of abuse, the child is very much a captive. Survival is often a realistic concern.

As a result, the adult son or daughter may still feel that they have no control over their lives. As adults, it may take a concentrated effort to break the psychological control instilled by the narcissistic mother when the child was truly held captive.