Why do good girls like bad boys?
Almost every woman at some point in her love life will fall for a bad boy. From gang members to thugs, from OG to Mac-in-training, they all have one thing in common: they play the game of love by their own set of rules, and if you break the rules, you’ll end up heartbroken. What is a bad boy? He’s a bully, a bully, and a rebel without a cause. Or he could be the nice boy next door who’s silky smooth, but deep down he’s a cold-hearted scoundrel. Bad boys are the kind of guys your mom warns you about, but because they have a bully appeal, you throw common sense out the window and caution to the wind.
The thing to keep in mind when dealing with a bad boy is that most of them see women as conquests, something to be captured and conquered. And when the excitement ends, so does the relationship. Although many of you know this, some of you go after the bully in hopes of being the one to change him. In the end you are left feeling hurt and betrayed. And you know when you have a guy who’s not acting up because you’re probably quick to tell your friends what to do the moment his boyfriend starts acting up. But sometimes it’s easier to tell others what to do than to do what you know is right.
I know firsthand what it’s like to be captivated by a bad boy, because until I learned how to make healthier relationship choices, I was a bad boy addict. He wouldn’t even look at a guy unless he was a bully with a bad attitude.
But years of emotional roller coaster rides, baby mom drama, and being silly made me wake up and smell the dysfunction. As a result, I developed some common sense strategies that helped me break my bad boy habit. I share them in a spirit of brotherhood, hoping they will help you too.
Why do girls like bad boys?
If you ask most women why they like bad boys, they’ll say the challenge, the thrill, or the thrill of living vicariously. But often, what begins as a high-speed thrill ride ends up becoming an emotionally draining melodrama. Bad boys offer a double dose of pain and pleasure. When they’re bad, they’re horrible, but when they’re good, they make you feel like you just won the lottery. These are the most common reasons why women like bad boys.
secret fear of intimacy
If you’re attracted to guys you can’t really have, because they don’t want a real relationship or because they’re involved with someone else, you may have a secret fear of intimacy. The reason you might find a bad boy so attractive is because you can be with him without letting him get too close. As long as he’s unavailable, he can never get close enough to hurt you.
A subconscious desire to bring dad back home
As you already know, the relationship you had with your father shapes the relationships you will have with other men. If he grew up without a father or if he was emotionally unavailable, he may get involved with men who act like his father. Although you risk getting hurt by being with a bad boy. You may hope that if you stay long enough, he will eventually give you the love you didn’t get back home.
Low self-esteem
When you feel good about yourself, you set high standards in every area of your life, including your romantic relationships. If you’re in a relationship with a guy who lies, cheats, talks bad about you, or mistreats you in any way, then regardless of what you want others to believe, you don’t feel good about yourself. When you value who you are, you treat yourself with great consideration, and you demand that others do the same. Know that you are worthy of being treated with kindness and respect.
Media brainwashing
If you’ve ever watched an episode of Jerry Springer or the latest music videos, you can see how the media is presenting the bad boy image as every girl’s dream. Popular television and music videos try to make you believe that it is acceptable for men to disrespect women and reduce them to sexual objects. Think of Jay Z’s “Big Pimpin'” video or Lox’s “Need a Ride or Die Chick” and you can see how the media promotes the image of the bad boy as the ideal. You don’t have to buy everything the media feeds you. You can make your own decision as to what is attractive and acceptable. There is no good reason to stay in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t appreciate or respect you.
Copyright © 2000 by Cassandra Mack