Your weight could be the result of your 6 human needs
The six human needs is something I heard from Tony Robbins, but it could also have a lot to do with being overweight.
According to Robbins, each of us unconsciously wants to satisfy all of these needs, and we will always find a way to do so. They drive our decisions, either in a way that feels right and is good for us, or it definitely doesn’t feel right and is definitely not good for us. Let me tell you what the six needs are, and then how they might relate to weight loss (or lack thereof).
The first need is the need for Certainty, specifically that a certain activity will help you avoid pain and bring you some comfort or pleasure, and that you will survive.
Second is the need for Uncertainty/Variety, because if you were sure of everything and what would happen, things would get very boring.
Third is the need for significance: to do something or be someone that makes you feel unique or special.
The fourth is the need for Connection/Love, especially the need for unconditional love. This includes a spouse, a friendship, or even an interesting conversation with a stranger.
The fifth is the need for Growth: if an organism is not growing, it is dying. This can apply to things like relationships, careers, and our psychological well-being.
The sixth is the need to Contribute: give something back to the world or to others. Satisfying this need tends to automatically satisfy all other needs.
Satisfying 3 or more of these needs at a high level (in other words, 7 or more on a scale of 1-10) becomes addictive, but which need is most important varies from person to person. Usually, your top 2 will have a strong influence on the decisions you make throughout your life, even if they don’t seem to make sense at the time.
For example, if you don’t accept a promotion at work because your job won’t be as secure, even if it means a raise, then certainty should be a high priority for you. But if you don’t accept the promotion because it means you’ll have your own office and spend a lot more time on your computer and a lot less time with people, love/connection is a higher priority.
But what does this have to do with your weight?
Well, let’s take a look at each need and how this could be the case.
First, certainty. How could anyone be certain about food? Well, maybe if you’re feeling down or stressed, some chocolate, a burger, or even something less bad for you will surely make you feel better. If your life is generally chaotic and full of problems, you can always trust that your favorite candy bar will taste exactly the same every time.
Next is uncertainty/variety. How many different types of food are there in the world, how many different ways can they be cooked, and how many different combinations are there? I have no idea, but it’s a lot. It’s probably possible to eat something different every day for the rest of your life, so whether your job is boring, your relationship is boring, or life is just plain boring in general, there’s always a new food to try!
The following is the meaning. But how can overeating and being overweight make someone feel important? Well, if you are not a very important or significant person, being overweight could make you stand out. The more overweight you are, the more this will happen. I once saw a TV show about the heaviest man in Britain who had held the title for many years. When told that was no longer the case and he was now only the SECOND heaviest man in Britain, he kicked the TV crew out of his house, he was so angry! When he later calmed down and let them talk to him again, it was obvious that the only thing he had going for him (at least in his mind) was his weight. He made him feel important and significant, even though he never left his house. While I’m not suggesting that his problem is that serious, it’s an excellent example of what I said earlier about needs not always being met in a positive way.
Love/Connection from food? Many people say they love food, but they don’t mean it literally. Maybe not, but if someone is so lacking in love and connection in her life, the pleasurable feelings she gets from eating connects her with herself. They also come to feel that they are being cared for and loved, even if they are the ones doing the caring. All foods, especially those that are high in fat or sugar, trigger the release of the body’s own feel-good drugs called endorphins. If that doesn’t sound like you, maybe it satisfies his need for love/connection with food because he never eats alone. Maybe you go out to eat with friends or just where there are other people around.
Growing from food? And not just your waist? This sounds about as unlikely as love/connection, but if you cook your own food and become a gourmet chef, it’s a form of growth. Very positive too. Especially if it means you get to cook for others and maybe help them improve their cooking skills. This could also lead to…
Contribution. Cooking for friends and family, hosting dinner parties, teaching others to cook. All of these are forms of contribution, and as I said before, meeting this need usually satisfies all other needs as well.
That’s one example of how food can meet your six needs, but obviously there are many possibilities. Hopefully, you should now understand enough to realize how food meets your needs, causing you to be overweight. It may be a good idea to first put the six needs in order of importance to you personally, paying special attention to the first two, which will help you better understand why you are more willing to eat unhealthily and be overweight than to eat properly and be thin
Although I know what you’re thinking. You want to know what to do with this information once you’ve taken the trouble to find out.
Well, we all satisfy our needs using what we call vehicles, in this case food, but examples of even more destructive vehicles are alcohol, drugs, or even eating disorders. I’ve already discussed how being overweight can satisfy a need for meaning, but being anorexic can have the same effect, as well as satisfy a need for love/connection from concerned friends and family.
So what could be an alternative, more positive vehicle for satisfying your needs than food?
How about the exercise? At the moment, this might be highly unlikely as your needs and the gym probably look like this…
Certainty that it will avoid pain and cause pleasure. Unlucky. It is hard work, painful in every sense of the word, and the only pleasure is walking through the exit.
Uncertainty/Variety. Again, this is not going to be the case. Where’s the variety in riding a treadmill for hours staring at a blank wall, or lifting weights to put them down again?
Meaning. Being a red-faced, sweaty blob in a gym full of fitness freaks can make you feel unique, but not in a way that fulfills every need of importance.
Love/Connection. Do you love a modern version of a torture chamber where everyone talks about the latest exercise techniques that might as well be in a foreign language for all the sense it makes to you? Unlikely.
Growth. Surrounded by all those tanned, fit bodies, you’ll come to hate yours even more and feel like a loser even more. No, thanks.
Contribution. How can you contribute to something you know nothing about and don’t enjoy?
Nobody would be satisfying any need with that vision of exercise. But just by looking at things a little differently and more positively, exercise could satisfy enough needs at a high enough level to replace food. Obviously you would still eat, but it would be as a fuel source to keep your body in top shape rather than a way to get pleasure. It may sound impossible, but plenty of people have made the switch, and some of them loved food and hated exercise a lot more than you do!
Certainty. Although the actual exercise process cannot be guaranteed to cause pleasure in the moment, immediately afterward there is a rush of endorphins along with a distinct sense of pride and accomplishment at having completed yet another workout. Not to mention well done for maintaining an attractive, fit and healthy body.
Uncertainty/Variety. To someone who has done little to no exercise it can seem very repetitive and boring, but there are literally hundreds of different exercises that can be done in many different ways. Switching up a workout regularly, whether it’s every other month, every other week, or even every day, can provide limitless variety.
Meaning. Just as being seriously overweight can make you stand out, so can being in good shape. By this I don’t mean skinny because you barely eat, I mean being lean, toned and vibrant. Imagine how it would feel to have people envy your body and wish they had the motivation and determination to achieve the same result.
Love/Connection. Whether you already have a lean and toned body or are severely overweight and out of shape, there will be someone in the gym at the same stage as you. You may not find love (although who knows!), but you will find like-minded people who share your goals that you can connect with.
Growth. This doesn’t just apply to your muscles, it also applies to learning new knowledge and exercise skills that will also benefit your mind. Even if it’s too late to become a professional athlete, you may discover a talent or natural understanding of exercise that you never knew you had.
Contribution. Once you connect with others in the gym, which you will, you can start contributing to their goals by motivating them, telling them what has and hasn’t worked for you in the past, or simply inspiring them with your own story of how you went from fat to fat. shape. You might even decide to write your own diet and exercise book!
Can you see how having a different view of the same activity can change your whole opinion of it? And how could this meet their needs in a way that means food no longer has to be the vehicle?
But it doesn’t have to be exercise that replaces it. Any vehicle that is positive will work and you can have more than one. Exercise may satisfy your need for contribution, your spouse may satisfy your need for love/connection, your career may satisfy your need for significance, etc. The more ways you have to satisfy each need, the better.
As long as you stay positive and replace food as a source to meet your needs, it will help make the process of losing weight easier.